Self-minded asshole

I was born. I was joyful. As the years passed, the joy in my soul changed. From a large quantity to a smaller one, that amplifies just with some serious facts. I don’t have joy anymore created by stupid or immature things. I like simple things which could give me happiness. But not as simple as like when I was ten, for example. I feel that the maturity acaparated my soul and many serious thoughts prohibites my freedom. I want again to be free, so that the stress, the pain or the sadness can’t harm me no more. Sometimes I wish that I’ve never passed the 9^th grade. Since then I changed a lot and my feelings, even if I have them fully, are a bit too touchy and credible. I feel that when I’m in love the manly thing in me kinda disappears. I just want in the future to control the love that irrigates my heart, for having a certain stature in front of other. The weakness must disappear and I should put my foot down. Dear “love” you’ll be having a steer. I will drive you so carefully that I won’t pass the speed limit. When you’re out of gas, I will fill the tank with chocolate, flowers and strawberries. But not so much of “that” fuel. The simple combusted things will be in the other half of the tank.

I hate when the time passes so fast. I just want that every second of my life to be a year, so that in every second I could be in a different place. First, I want to be in that place where Jesus Christ was born. Then I want to see all the battles of my beloved Romanian heroes of the history. After that I want to be a spectator at all the soccer games that thrilled the assistance of that times. Then I want to be a part behind the scenes of the huge filming productions and those that I like so much. Afterwards I want to live for a couple of weeks when the American continent was discovered or when our big classics lived ( Eminescu , Creanga, Slavici and Caragiale ) or when Led Zeppelin, Metallica, Queen, Rolling Stones, Guns’n’Roses were the master of rock and I could see them live on their best shows. I just want to be immortal. I just want to have been born a two thousands years ago. And now and over another two thousands years seeing me passing all the big events in the world with the same joy at every time.

All this being said, I feel that the joy in my life is in some darkness because of the maturity that I’m beginning to sense in its strong way and the severity that the time has with me when “it’s thinking” what it should do with this insignificant soul. I am the insignificant soul. I’m just one path of the 6 billion that exist. I’m not a saint and I’m not someone known. But I continue to believe in me and in my expectations concerning my future.